There are some things only a fellow beauty therapist can understand…
Spending so much of your existence ripping hair out of ungodly places that you’ve developed waxing wrist, but never actually having time to wax your own legs? These are just some of the problems only beauty therapists can truly understand…
1. You’re constantly worried you’re developing early arthritis thanks to waxing wrist.
2. The possibility of turning into the Hunchback of Notre Dame thanks to all the hours spent standing hunched over clients is very real.
3. Two words: body odour. ‘Nuff said.
4. Not being able to go out Thursday night shopping because you’re knee-deep in wax and armpit hair.
5. Always smelling of fake tan and nail remover.
6. You spend so much time looking at vaginas, you often don’t remember who your clients are until you lift the towel. Then, bingo! “Sarah! How’d the job interview go?”
7. People think because you’re professionally trained in beauty you can turn them into Cindy Crawford. Even when they look like Jabba the Hut.
8. If you had a dollar for every time someone asked you to redo their mani because they stuffed it manhandling everything in sight on the way out of the salon, you wouldn’t be a beauty therapist.
9. Having to suppress the desire to slap clients in the face when they don’t use the wet wipes before a Brazilian.
10. You’ve become completely desensitised to the sight of back hair, vaginas and arse cracks.
11. People constantly assume you chose this job because you’re a moron. “Thanks for your condescension but I didn’t drop out of school or choose this profession because I was too dumb to get into anything else. Though I’m about to do something really stupid with this hot wax…”
12. You rarely have time to wax your own legs.
13. The murderous rage you feel when you’ve just finished painstakingly painting someone’s nails and they ask if it’s too late to change the colour.
14. Friends and family automatically assume you’re on call for free treatments.
15. When you have to treat a client with a huge facial mole and it takes all your might not to explode saying, “Mole! Bloody mole! We aren’t supposed to talk about the bloody mole, but there’s a bloody mole winking me in the face! I want to cut it off, chop it off, and make guacaMOLE!”
16. The smug feeling you get when someone asks you who did your makeup.
17. You notice bad eyebrows everywhere you go. It’s like a curse.
18. Having to resist the urge to bend children over your knee when clients bring them along and let them run wild during your appointment.
19. No one understands your delight at squeezing blackheads.
20. Some days you’re run off your feet and other days you’re so bored you’ve seriously considered repainting the treatment room just so you can watch it dry.
21. You’re the only one in your group of friends who doesn’t have an appropriate office story to share over dinner. “I can’t believe Janice broke the photocopier today”…”Yeah, I hear you. I can’t believe how brown the wax strip looked when I ripped it off my clients arse!
22. Realising that if the world ends tomorrow, you might not have saved any lives, but you’ve sure fixed a lot of ugly.