If only they knew what you really thought…
When it comes to the most exposing and intimate of all beauty treatments, the Brazilian wax takes the cake.
But while most clients are stressing about the embarrassment of revealing their lady parts and fretting their cha-cha doesn’t stack up to the standard model, most beauty therapists are far more concerned with another internal monologue, that goes a little like this…
1. ‘NOW I remember you…’
When you spend more time looking at people’s vulvas than you do looking them in the eye, it’s not uncommon not to have the faintest clue who a client is until they pull their underpants off for their wax, then BAMMO. “Of course, Alison! How are the kids?”
2. ‘Why, oh why, didn’t you use the wet wipes?’
When you’re getting up close and personal with a client’s private parts, the last thing you want to come face to face with is the remnants of the last time they used the bathroom. This is what wet wipes were meant for doing away with. Some clients seem to be under the impression you’re in short supply of them and they perhaps need to be rationed, but nothing could be further from the truth, you’d much rather the client use the entire box if need be. There’s always more out back. (No pun intended).
3. ‘You just had sex’
Here’s a tip for anyone who’s ever gotten lucky right before their Brazilian wax: your beauty therapist can tell. Sex involves lots of secretions. Think about it…it’s not rocket science. Which is why, for the love of all that is holy in this world, every beauty therapist wants every client to know this: please, save the romance for after your treatment.
4. ‘Did you really have to go for a run before you got here?’
Clients tend to stress about the odour of their lady parts when going for a Brazilian, but the truth is, beauty therapists rarely notice any sort of a scent whatsoever. The main exception being when clients insist on participating in intense aerobic exercise directly before their treatment. It’s very easy to pick the Brazilian client who took Zumba before her treatment, based off the aroma of the treatment room when the pants come down.
5. ‘I wonder what I’ll have for lunch today…’
When ripping pubic hair off a stranger has become as second nature to you as grocery shopping, it no longer registers as unusual. Not only are beauty therapists incredibly desensitised to seeing vulvas of every size, shape and colour, but a seasoned Brazilian waxer is so desensitised to the process they’ll likely be mentally compiling their shopping list while they ask their client to spread their legs.
6. ‘Sigh… Guess I’m going to be getting familiar with the tweezers’
Here’s a bit of insight about Brazilian waxing every client should know: your beauty therapist is not a magician. She can not rip out hairs that are too short for the wax to even latch onto and she’ll be well annoyed if she has to spend an extra ten minutes tweezing out every hair that didn’t wax off because you didn’t wait long enough between waxes. Anything longer or shorter than 1/4-1/2 inch long is just plain annoying.
7. ‘There’s no such thing as normal’
Few clients are privy to the fact that there is no such thing as a normal vulva. After you’ve waxed hundreds of them it becomes abundantly clear that no two are alike, and that’s what makes women all the more unique and mysterious. No beauty therapist has ever looked at her client’s private parts and had the thought, ‘By God, there is something horribly wrong with this woman’s vulva’. It just doesn’t happen. Which is why every therapist wishes clients would stop fretting they’re abnormal.