You’re not a crazy cat woman, but nearly…
1. Nearly every pale item of clothing you own has foundation stains on it.
“Maybe I should just dye them all orange?”
2. When you drop your bag, at least 28 lipsticks go rolling.
“It’s not what it looks like! …Okay, it is.”
3. When someone asks you if you have any makeup they can borrow, you turn into a drug dealer.
“What do you need? I got foundation, primer, bronzer, gloss and a nice illuminator that’ll perk you right up.”
4. Being all made up with nowhere to go is your number one life problem.
“I look too good to be eating cereal in front of the TV.”
5. Your friends look at porn to get off. You go online to Sephora.
“Drooool. Limited edition Urban Decay palette.”
6. You have so many makeup spills in your room/house/car you’ve decided to just go with it as a style choice.
“I meant for it to look like this.”
7. You would rather be slapped in the face than go a day without mascara.
“My eyes look weird and naked without it.”
8. Your boyfriend immediately goes into foetal mode when you discover there’s a M.A.C store in the mall.
“Babe, I’m just going to take a quick look at the new bronzer.” [Sound of screams, running feet and glass plate window shattering]
9. You check your makeup from all possible reflective surfaces. Shop windows, passing cars, spoons, shiny bald heads…
“Is that an unblended line I see?!!”
10. You’re always the most made-up one at parties. Also bbqs, the gym and walking to the letterbox.
“At least I’m not underdone.”
11. When you go somewhere and discover you’ve left your entire makeup bag at home you become completely inconsolable and hysterical.
“It’s okay, everyone calm down. We can do this.”
12. You collect mascara like wine.
“I’ve got a nice little tube from 1992 that’s got quite a kick to it.”
13. You’ve woken up in a sweat during the night after a nightmare in which you were out in public without a scrap of makeup on.
“It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream.”
14. You’ve refused sexual contact with your significant other for fear it may interfere with your fresh face of makeup.
“Not tonight honey, I just finished contouring.”
15. When choosing between your lippies, you often feel bad for leaving the others out.
“Don’t worry hot pink, I promise I’ll wear you tomorrow.”
16. Once your makeup is on, you literally switch off all emotion.
“Nana’s sick? I’ll cry about that when I don’t have eyeliner on.”
17. And, most disturbingly of all, when you get the last lipstick in your shade in stock, you sometimes catch yourself laughing like an evil, demented makeup lady.
“MUAHAHAAAA! Got the last one, bitches!”
